Pissed with everything!!!!

Im pisSed pissed PISSED!!!!!!!

Im fed up with everything that's happening to me these days!!!

Im pissed that im sooOOO slow in production this mth!
Im pissed that tt assholic '-ron' is making this challenge irritating and soooo damn bloody personal!!!!
Im pissed that im not WINNING her!!
Im pissed that i have not closed those tt i SHOULD have!!
Im pissed that mummy is pissed with mE!!
Im pissed that nothing is going to plan!
Im pissed that the tiko production of last mth has became my benchmark for EVERY month!
Im pissed that this week was suppOSED to be my BEST productive week yet i've closed only ONE!!!!!!!!!
Im piSSED THAT IM PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!


Argghhh!!!!!


Ive been grouchy almost everyday until it's becoming some kinda character of mine man!!! arghhh...I know i shldnt let my emotions control me this way...bUT IM JUST REALLLLLLLLLLLLLL FED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I REALLY FEEL LIKE SCREAMING!!!!!!! I NEED TO PUNCH SOMETHING....

-cracking from the inside-

I just need to do something to prevent myself from feeling soooo antsy everyday! This really isnt good for my heart man!
GrrrRR..

I just wish i know that tt would be..haizz..

Almost pissed to tears!

Maybe all i need is a good crying session...Just FED UP LAH!!!


~bleh ~

She's stressed!

I cant believe a 1yr+ agent is actually stressed over what a 3mth+ agent like ME can achieve!!!! hehehe..

-giggle-



-giggle giggle-



She mentioned that she is very stressed over this challenge. And would never want to have a challenge with me again! haha...I wonder what did i do to create such a strong impression on her! hahaha...u know what the funny thing is?

She's winning me by THREE already!!!


Dunno what she's afraid off..hmmmm....

Shld i scare her more??

-snickers...-

Hmph..as if i have tt capability~!

heheh..find this pretty amusing!

PMSy

Time now is 2am sunday morning.

Starting to feel a little hungry and suffering from a bad case of PMS. Felt antsy the WHOLE day!! or least from the point i started calling till now.

Pissed off with every little thing. Even the effects of the beautiful fireworks didnt last long enough to make me happy till now. Basically im just feeling lousy, pissed off and terrible!

Hate hate HATE this feeling man!!! I hate losing control of how i feel. I can really sense that all these emotions are due to the hormones changing and whatever internal shit but i still cant control my feelings otherwise.

Like for example now, im feeling soooOO tired!! Not only just physically tired but aso emotionally. Maybe a little mentally too.

Im tired that after putting in soooo much effort, there's no results! Im tired of going back everyday to call. Im tired that sooo many appts set but equally as many is postponed or cancelled. Im tired of working sooo hard! IM TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna get out of this business but i wanna stay in this. Arrghhhh... Cant take it anymore!!! (or at least cant take it anymore for now!!)

Damn bloody hormones.. HAte it when it messes me feelings up like that! ArghH!!!

I know i shldnt feel this way abt the job cos it's all the effects of hormones 'thinking' and not the logical mind. But logically, i know that im putting in toooo many nights into no results. And honestly, im getting tired and pissed. No appt..No lives. No cases!!!

E still thinks that im not putting in enough effort! Or at least that's how he put it across. I soooo feel like crying once again!! 2nd time...WOw, kind see a trend here.. Alternate bad months.. Bleh~

Time now is 2.15am..Im gonna sleep. Hopefully the appt later will result in something which i need!

Oh God, please give me the strength to continue. Please... Ameen

Back in bad luck zone

Im back in the shit hole again!!

After a pretty not-too-bad month in july, im back to total, sickening, bloody hell bad luck!!!! Ever since i came back from the trip, i have yet to close a single case!!! And that's like 1 week plus now... pui~!!

Really know..I am just this <--> close to breaking down as i did in my 2nd month. Really so deja vu! And i HATE HATE HATE it! Why cant i perform consistently alright for every month.

What's the use if do extremely well for one month then sucky the next. Average out aso the same what?!! BleH~

I really dunno how else to keep myself motivated le. Y is definately gonna ngiam me when he gets back. WHICH IS TOMORROW!!! oh dear, God please help me!!!

oh God, really please get me out of this bad bad situation. I really dun wanna break down again. Please end my 'test' tonight. I really wanna and need to do well this month. oh God please. Please. Ameen.

Love Sick(2)

Ai yoh, i know i should just slap myself left and right and tell myself to get out of it. But somehow im just letting myself fall deeper and deeper!

Today, i went to watch a show with him. I wanted to watch it yesterday, but my collegues had appt at that time, so didnt in the end. So i asked him. He agreed. =D

I dunno lah. I know im just..... *sighz* i dun even know what im doing.

This situation is sooooOOOoooo deja vu!!

Me like guy. Guy is friendly. Goes out with guy. Finds out guy likes someone else. Me get heartbroken. Guy ends up with someone else. Me moves on. Single. S-I-N-G-L-E.

I mean i have nothing against single-hood. But it really kinda gets tiring man. Knowing that there's no special someone who is thinking of u right this moment. Or having the feel of his skin against yours. Or just the simple fact that you love him and he loves you back.

Haiz. Im getting tired of singlehood.
Im getting tired of liking a person more than i should only to end up getting hurt.
Im tired...

All i want is a guy to share my happiness with. A guy to comfort me when im down. A guy to let me complain when things get bad at work. A guy who will let me in on their life. Just a simple guy who will let me cry and then hug me when im sad. Is all that too much to ask for??!??!

Things arent that great at work. This is not making it any easier. I wish something good would happen when i wake up tmr... I really do. I really NEED it.



[God i miss his smell!!!]

Love Sick

Am blogging in a hurry cos sis wanna use the laptop.

Well, was missing for quite some time here cos went for a short holiday. Prior to that was busy trying to hit my target so that i didnt have to pay for the trip.

Ended up hitting it..But as a result causing others to have a higher expectation of me this month!!!! ahhhHHHhHhhh!!!! As it is, the past 2 days since i came back was noOT a good one!
Haiz..

Feels like a long loooonng month ahead! Somehow got the feeling that this month is going mimic my 2nd month. L-O-U-S-Y !! Bleh~

Anyway through the short 4 days trip, i think i fell for someone deeper than i thought i would. I mean he did catch my notice even BEFORE the trip la. But due to factors, i never had much chance to actually speak to him during work.

But really got to know him a little more during the trip. And it was nice. I actually felt comfortable around him. Instead of the usual weird/shy feelings i get with the 'others'. I really wish i could talk more about him. Even write his name out here. But i know i shldnt. Cos as with all my previous crushes, this one would most likely end up to be nothing more than a broken heart and too many wasted moments thinking about him.

So while i 'enjoy' the feeling of being love sick and at the same time reaal desperate to hit targets at work, i hope i can get through this month in good health, proper mind and at least close to my targets.

Please God, give me the strength in heart and mind to carry out the tasks laid before me. Give me the energy to get through each day. Give me the wisdom to solve the difficulties. Give me the patience to tahan other people's nonsense. Give me the love to stop my heart from falling too deep into him. Ameen.