Dinner n chat

I just had dinner with you today.. It was nice as usual. Simple, casual talk through-out..nothing too heavy.

Though many times i wanted to bring out the 'heavier' topic. But tooo sick right now to talk tt out..Plus the place wasnt right too..

Anyway we went to JB ytd night..was great fun! Really liked the way we hang out la..honestly, to deep in my core, i still like hanging out with u sometimes la.. Of cos sometimes i knw i'll hold myself back..

Recently, things have gotten better i guess. I can handle myself around u much better. I guess im learning to stop myself from seeing u as a potential for more than a friend. I know nowadays, i really am thinking of u JUST as a friend.

I bring jess up in some conversations..though not always in a good light la..heehhe..Mean i know. Haiz, come to think of it.. If she suspects something or feels jealous, i think im really a bitch in her eyes huh?>

Wow..me being the BITCH.. the THIRD party..woaah..never thought i'll ever end up in this position..oh gosh..

Anyway thrgh casual chat, u even admitted that u n her have nt many common hobbies..God,what kind of a relationship is that?!??! How to get married like tt sia~?

I sometimes feel like slapping u awake frm this..How can u just settle for a relationship where u quarrel half the time(yr fault in my opinion) and u two have no matching hobbies?!?!

Only think i can think of is that she's really good to u and u remember that..and she's good in bed? hahhah..me and my HB mind! hah.

COnfession: i peeked at your messages today..then saw something she sent u ytd when we were still in jb.. One of the sms was her saying that she's worried for u cos u're nt in spore and it was late. -_-|||

Then something abt how u two are meant for each other n have things in common cos both looking older cos not enough proper rest... oh puleezee..like tt alot of ppl aso have things in common n meant for each other lo..God~

Then saw something tt caught my eye but didnt have time to read tt cos u appeared.. saw the word 'galfriend'..im wondering if she was refering to me or am i just being paranoid.. i mean i almost got the feel now that she senses something n yup,im on the 'watch-tt-bitch' monitor..

I know i shld probably spend lesser time with u..we're covering up sooooo much of our activities these days..Me hiding the fact tt im with u sometimes from the other fellows cos they know how much ive hurt over u..And the fact tt they think u're a jerk for making use of me in this way..

Then u hiding frm jess that we're together doing activities n stuff..feels weird y we have to do this if we're just friends hanging out..

We are right? Just friends? Have i messed things up too much?? ohh dear...

Praying for strength to move away from you once again..Please don't let me be affected by your charm..Let me be strong. Give me the willpower to be on my own. Show me love from someone who truly cares for me.. Oh God, see me through this tough times.. Ameen...