Follow up

It's been one week since i wrote the last entry. One week ago when i decided that i shouldnt put out soooo much for him anymore.

Actually last sun night, we went out for dinner. Cos he went back office for calling then apparantly his calling sucked. He seemed super emo and upset so i heart-soft again. Then asked if he wanted to go out for drinks/dinner together.

So somehow cos everywhere was crowded, we went to bottletree (park i think) where there was prawning. We decided to prawn for 1hr..Caught 6 prawns..Chatted abit about work..General stuff.

Then we went for supper near your place cos for some reason i was starving as i drove u home.. We chatted somemore and then the subject of birthdays came up. Lo and behold..u FORGOT my birthday! This is despite me telling u before that your bday and mine is +3 for both the month and day.. And what's worse, u remembered HERS. A's bday to be exact. BOTH the date and month.

You know how much hurt tt brought!?!? Haha..but i made sure you were aware of the hurt..how? haha..this im quite proud of myself!

So we parted tt night with me saying you very pian xin. No heart and all.. U asked me to msg u when i reach hm and i said dun need. Not friend. Dun need to act concerned.

Then the next day we were during survey at NP.. U called to say your shoe spoilt. U said u wanted to go anchorpoint buy shoe but no money. I told u to go ask A since u sooooooo *teng* her..(sayang her in chinese) Said u shld ask the person who you care soo much for. That i cant be bothered with u anymore. Then we hanged up..

Much later, u msged saying that u know tt i still dote on you. Pui.. Know already still sooooo mean to me! Bloody hell..

Anyway for the rest of the week, barely got a chance to see and speak to you thereafter. We went for appts at different places on most days. Then on thurs u were sick. On fri my appt was elsewhere and u were still sick so u went home early. This whole week, i didnt see u in the night except mon for calling.

U called me on thurs evening saying tt your hp has been cut off cos u didnt pay bill. Once again i started to xin luan (heart-soft) again. Then i remembered that u loaned her money. So then all the pain started to seep in again.

No money le still wanna lend others. Hmmpphh.. I know i really wanna help u out. And anyway today i did mentioned to u to go calculate how much u need to re-start the line. If need help let me know.. I know u got ego. So let's see if u do approach me in the end.

I dont want to be just an ATM for u..dammit! Right now i somehow get this feeling that you're nice to me cos u see how i can help u out financially. But i think the best judge would be when u get your edp money nxt mth. Let's see if u still bother with me then.

Im quite proud of myself in my resistence to stay away from you and not bother myself too much with u esp since tt sun incident. I barely msged u 1st on all occasions. And mostly, u approached me for conversation first. So yes,in a way im making progress.

But in many ways im still hurting inside! I soooo want to be all friendly and crazy with you. But i know if i do that, i'll fall all crazy in love with u again! And im sick of feeling sad over u..So for now it'll be abstinence and self-resistance.

I just need to learn how to treat u like a friend. (This friend is still in crazy love with u ..haiz. . . )