Change in process

It's been awhile since i logged in here.. I realise i always come here to spill my deepest thoughts. I guess it's because noone really knows who i am here unlike the other one i update.

Anyway this month saw me 'growing' in a way sooo profound that i think the last time i learnt soo much was in childhood! Seriously. I now understand myself more than before. I understand that the emotions i feel are motion signals. They hold deeper meanings.

So unlike in the past when i get upset, i'll just mull in the event or happening and spoil my day because of it. Now i'll dig deeper and find the root of the cause.

(mmm. . .thinking. . .. )


I guess i was unhappy for soo long that i sort of got stuck in that 'emotional zone' (if there's even such a thing!)..Come to think of it, it's slightly over a year since everything started to go seriously downhill.. Was super unhappy with the big boss.. Working environment. My type of lifestyle and lack of control over..over basically everything. Mostly related to work though.

After awhile when i started to give lesser than my all at work, the production showed and my sales went down. I guess it really hurts to type this even after sooo long. I mean i did try to get out of the slump. But usually those moments lasted long enough till the next difficulty came about!

Was desperate to move out of the company or away. But didnt have a plan or didnt put in enough effort to come up with one. At least not concrete enough to quit and have nothing to pay my car bills with.

So on i stayed in tt place. Slowly sucking my soul with it. Seriously, i think the last year is the worsT i ever had! I was losing myself slowly mentally, physically,spiritually! I was just moving through life!

Anyway im just soo glad i came across TR..all along i have this thought that i was put here for a greater cause. This cannot be just it~! I felt made for a greater good. hahha..not to save the world and all!

But i felt that i could achieve soo much more than this. And here he came along with all these ideas and teachings. It's just soooo impressive. I feel soo lost for words right now bcos it simply amazing what ive learnt.

I mean there are still moments when i'll slip back into feeling down and out. It seems to take lesser effort. Just easier to feel dejected, drained and bored. But it's like whenever i fall into that state, im mentally aware of how uncomfortable that makes me feel and i desperately want to get out of it.

But sometimes emotionally, u just dun have the strength to push yourself out of that emo shit! But i think just like buffing up a muscle or getting a six-pack,this kind of thing takes training. That soon enough, i'll be able to bounce back out of tt shit in a heartbeat!

So today though all my appointments got postponed, i would normally feel like crap because it just means tt tmr i'll get screwed by the boss. But im thankful that this gives me time i need to go work on my cake biz.. I'll probably still get screwed tmr, but i'll know that im one step closer to getting my OWN biz up and running! =)

And for that im thankful.

Perhaps i should come up with a list to think through the next time i feel like crap..
1) figure out the emotion im feeling
2) see under which of the 10 categories it falls under
3) change my state.. shake it out
4) find out why im feeling that way
5) Is it a perception issue or a procedure that i need to change
6) set a plan then take massive action towards it. Make at least ONE action in tt plan while still in state.

Note to self: "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it"

Live with passion! =)