He's aware...

Just found out recently that u actually do read my other blog.. U actually do keep yrself quite update with it too.. And im SURPRISED!

Really..cos before this, i didnt really know if u do read it anot.. But now that i know, sometimes i have to think twice about the things i write..

Like part of me wants u to know how i feel. Yet part of me questions if this is the right time to let u know this and this..Or should i let know how i feel abt that.. or is this the right time to go into the whole analysing yr relationship thingy and what we have between us.

Anyway i still do type some stuff about u here and there.. Some personal comments.. But so far u acted like as if u didnt know those comments were about you. U mentioned abt the main gist of each entry yet not going into the part where i typed abt u.. So i wonder......

Do u know... If u do, how does this make u feel?
I guess if i were you, i'll feel honoured that someone even feels this way about me. Yet at the same time, probably digusted or frustrated cos i dun have the same type of feeling for tt person. So dunno how to let that person down.
But i think for us, we have soooo much in common that at times i feel that some of the things u do to me or with me, can be avoided if u dun really feel anything for me in that sense.

I mean dun touch me or massage my shoulders or arm or anything.. just dun touch me. Perhaps i'll feel damn lousy when that starts to happen. I'll miss touching u.. Feeling u.. But i guess if this is how it'll end up eventually then perhaps this pain will have to come sooner or later eh?

Haiz.. Such a thing, i really feel like putting on the other blog just to see how u'll react. But i dun dare. I still dun think i can tahan u being so 'away' frm me..
As it is, after yr grandmother's wake last week...I feel sooo pissed off with you that i think some things have changed between us.
I dun feel that happy with some of the things u do anymore. I judge your actions with more critic.. I feel really piss when i feel that u're using me.. I move away from u at times cos i think i need to learn how to handle that.

And somehow i feel that u know what im doing. I know u feel hurt or upset by it too.. At times we get back right where we were. And then i remind myself that u didnt even msg me ONCE during the 5days wake except the 1st day or when i msged u first..

And then i wonder what all that meant? That i was just a friend? Just someone u can make use of.. Or just use for company whenever u need it... I hate it that u can live without me and yet my life is kinda revolved around you! Dammit..

I hate it that we click yet i need to change so that i dun keep thinking we do.. i pissed till i wanna sleep now..

Good night cyberworld..