Fuck.

Hari raya 'break'

Tmr is HARI RAYA!!!!!! =D


Didnt have to go in office today. =D

But u know wat...Even if they say dun have to go in, they still expect you to work you know! Let's see them working on the EVE of Chinese New Year!!! ka pui~

Everything's about production..FYP...Lives... aaarrghHHHhhh!!!

I cant complain to anyone cos everyone else either thinks that im in the wrong industry and cant wait for me to get out or they are IN the industry and so try to convince me that it's only difficult in the start.

And so i come here to rant on and on...THis place has been a great reliever to me for the past few months. Im real happy for such an existance.

So though it's an eve of a PH, i have tons of undone things yet i feel no urgency to do any of them. Alright, some are really urgent kind. Which are becoming more serious by the day..Yet, there's still that reluctance to do anything about it. Somebody kick me in the ass man!!!

I just hate it how it's endless work.. U just keep doing and doing and doing.. Only to really love the little breaks you'll get in between.. Then u go back to repeating and doing and doing and doing and doing..............

One thing i realised though is that it's the people who u interact with that really makes u feel that it's sometimes all worth it.

But i guess when things are going good..Such thoughts wun even enter my mind. And it's when im facing real shit or when things start to get piled up that i start thinking all these negatives thoughts and how nice it's like to laze around and do nothing.

Take today for example..WOke up at 2+PM!! (amazed by myself..but have to remember that i woke at 4+ to eat ah) Then lazed ard before lying infront of the tv...TV hopped for a few hrs. Decided to prevent getting scolded later,went to sweep the floor. Then now infront of the laptop typing away while listening to my bf sing.. Ahhh... Pure pleasure.

However all along in the back of my mind, the constant nudging of the medical tt im yet to set an appt for, the cases that im yet to write up, the confirmation of whether tt person wants it..All these have been shadowing over all the happy moments..I HATE IT!!!!!

But of cos there were times when ive enjoyed with nothing to worry about. But thereafter the thought of going back to work was like --____--- .......... Was screaming 'someone saVEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

K la..gtg now..break fast time coming soon...tata

Selamat Hari Raya...

Still shitty

As if things cant get any worse, my first msg today came frm a client saying that he wants to stop his policy.

Which also means my persistancy wld be hit badly. Which ALSO means that i can dun bother to run sooooo hard for the award le. Cos sure hit till i below the acceptable limit.

Haizz..Thinking and hoping that wat i have to recommend him will save this case. Partially i dun really wish to face such shit now. Esp sooOOO close to the end. And aso .... I dunno la.. Just getting real pissed and down..

Cant understand why i have to face this kind of misery every alternate month! The good months never seem long enough for me to enjoy. But the bad ones seem to go on forever!

Not forgetting with all the terrible things that will happen tt month too! Feel like shit la.. I just want nov. to come soon...

Getting fed up..Dun wanna cry infront of E again. But i think i will.


Darn~

Lousy mood

Ok, so 2 weeks have gone by and i have only closed 1... THis by far has gotta be the slowest production month EVER!!!!

Shit man!! Imagine if i only close 2 this month. If let's take it tt i close another 1 in the coming 2 weeks.. FUCK!

Weekend came and gone. Made a very nice new friend. Hope she becomes my client. BIG client may i add...Haiz...Hope everythings goes well la.. Hope she is able to give me what i hope to get..

At this point of time, i have learnt not to hold my hopes too high for ANYTHING.. ANYTHING at all....doesnt even have to be work-related~

Well, another update is that yesterday...I chatted with G..Yes, after soooOOOooooo long, i PM him yesterday. The first comment he made resulted in me grinning from ear to ear thereafter! haha

He asked, ' hey, u lost weight?'

heheh...something along those lines la. Perhaps it's a double effect thing. I mean him noticing that i lost weight and aso that recently ive been thinking abt the past..Not that there's much to be happy abt it.

But ya..went into that hopeless G-frenzy thing again yesterday night. Shit! Slap me man! I nEVER want to go back to the era of G-worshipping!!

THat was pure HelL for the heart man. All the heartaches. The one-sided emotions. Pui~

Need something to stop me from going back there. Shall make Jay as the stand-in..hhehe..

k la...going mad. Think it's frm the stress la~ Im soo hopeless now. No production. No social live. No money. No looks. No talents. No health. No sleep. No NOTHING!! I might as well be dead. Darn~ Then i'll be a loser-ish ghost.

I soooOO need my mojo back!!!

fucked up mood

Im getting sooOOO sick and tired of this alternate bad month thingy!!

With the way im performing this month, that freaking recognition award ive been striving for is like practically gone~

I mean hell~!! Met like sooOOO many people the past 2 weeks than i had last month, and i cant even close 1/3 of them!??!?! What the fuck happened?

It feels good that i can use such words here and nobody can judge me or wonder why am i suddenly acting this way. Cos yes, i dun use the word often but....FUCK! These few days arE SHIT!!!

Im pissed!! Take today for example. Was supposed to meet this fucking asshole and her fucked up mum at ..let's call tt place pointB. So when i was done with my appt at pointA, i made my way over to pointB. Bearing in mind that i live IN point A...so spending the XTRA money..i went to pointB and msged tt bitch that i was already there and waiting for her at a particular fast food outlet. SHe fucking had the decency to msg back saying that her mum was not interested in the plan and so is she . So she wun be meeting me.

LIKE FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

I just wish her all sorts of bad things right now..But then something is stopping me..Cos deep down i know, what goes around, comes around. SO there bitch!

THis just sucks la. Me coughing ..being sick and all. Then blaming this lousy production month all on my cough. I guess to some extend it dID affect my performance. But still..I guess it just stinks not being able to close with the same effort as i did last month.

I really do nOT wanna miss my award. I know i didnt have the full year to run for it..But it would really suck if i missed it by JUST A TEENY WINNE BIT!!! WHich is JUST what i think would happen!!!

FUCK!

I just wish this month would end soon.. But of cos i hope next month i would be back to my record-breaking self. Let me hit 18 lives!!! Let all these freaking effort ive been putting in bear its fruits nxt month!!!!

I need to sleep.

Kinda miss G a little these days.. But i know the feeling aint the same no more..Which in a way is good. =) im happy...

Nighty world!