Worried

Troubled TROUBLED!!!!!

Im sooo bloody troubled!!

Haizz...

Performance for this month is like pui~

Ya la, the production/fyp amount not too bad..But mostly it belongs to friends leh! This will not help me in the long run yah.

Hmm..but as i type this, maybe it's kinda early to worry abt such things. Cos definately it takes some effort to close friends too wat. And plus it's not that im doing reALLLLL lousy in strangers.

I just need to show some results in the strangers market though. If not i wun survive long aso! Haiz..how how?!?!

Appt for these few days damn lousy. Soooo many postpone or cancelled. And like tons of follow-ups!! Im FED-UP man!!!!!

Real troubled now lah...SO many things on mind. I really wanna go and sleep now. But if i intend to take up the plan on my own life, i need to do the paper work NOW. Which means i'll sleep at my usual ungodly hours! I WANNA SLEEP!!!!!!!!!

MAybe i should go in to work early tmr to do. THen again, like tts gonna happen! hahahh...

Alright la, going on like this here wun help me solve my trouble. Off i go for now...

Oh God, please continue to guide me through this challenging part of life. Ameen.

My Old Love

I went to a friend's bday party yesterday. Met a lot of faces who ive not seen in quite a while.
Some ive not even met since sec graduation day!! That's like 4yrs +!!!! Wow...time sure gets by quickly!!

Anyway, quite a number of them look very different from sec sch time. All for the better i suppose. Bday boy lost quite a lot of weight through army. Looking much better too!

Had comments about myself looking good too! =D heheh...*pats self on the back*

Though have been eating all sort of stuff recently! Bad bad.. Starting to put on weight again!! Will cut down le...

Btw something happened during photo taking. If tt same thing happened to me about 7 years back, i wld have probably still be in a gleefully mad mood right now. But as of now, i am more or less indifferent to tt thing.

But i suppose me typing an entry about it still means something.

Well, for the first time ever since i know him..We took a pix together where he put his arm around my shoulder. Ya yah, i know i know. This isnt anything big. But as i said, if this happened 7yrs ago, i would probably be smiling like mad right now!

I believe tt gesture wasnt supposed to mean anything by him. But then again, somehow tt action made me think back of the days when i would do anything JUST to have him put his arm ard my shoulder.

Hahahha....Those were the crazy an lian-ing days! Glad haven been in one for months! Life is soo much happier this way. When u dun feel all affected by what and how tt person thinks of you. Your every move infront of tt person. Every thing u do seem to be somehow related to tt person.

Phew! Im glad of my life for now!

Hahah.. Well, just wanted to note tt im also still veryYYYYY far behind my target for work. Not even anywhere close. And instead of thinking of a plan for now, im typing this here! So in deep shit!

Gotta think gotta think.....how how how.......



(p.s. I think maybe deep deep deep down inside, i still do have something for him. My first true crush. Haizz..Unreturned love! Sure hurts! hahah)

Good days...

I dun mean for this blog to be one of only sad moments or complains.

So i guess i gotta blog too when good things happen. Well, things have been slightly better of late. But still far from what im supposed to be doing.

Reallly hoping this good days wun run out anytime soon. I really really need more of these days man! Really!

Esp before the end of the month.

Btw after tt embarassing incident in Y's office that day, he have been slightly less harsh on me. So all the more im gonna work even harder to prove to everyone!

Oh God, i pray to You to help me through all these challenges. Please help me to achieve what and more than i need to. Ameen.

=)

If u're reading this and have been praying for me. I thank you frm the bottom of my heart!

I really do.

Dear God, thank you for helping me. Thank YOU for answering my prayer.

=D


Funny thing is that i started to close cases AFTER i exchanged my laptop with Y.

Weird!!

But im happy now! Happier than ive ever been in the last 10 days!! heheh...must cherish these time =)

Please my Lord, keep things this way. Don't take this away from me again.
Ameen.

Feeling better..Just a little...

Yesterday after tt last entry, i sent Y a msg to say that i wasnt able to close anything for the weekend. I was practically tearing when i typed tt msg. Really felt lousy. Even eating a bar of chocolate didnt help make things feel a little better! hmpph~

Anyway, he replied tt he was glad i sent tt msg. Saying that he thinks i will go far. Just need the time to find my strength.

I cried when i saw his reply. Cos i felt sooo relieved at that.

I know i can work harder. Set more appt. Meet more ppl. And that is what i plan to do. Cos i believe i can do it. I believe im not cursed! I did it last month. And im gonna do it again and BEtTER this month! I CAN DO IT!!!

Btw cant believe i actually broke down in E's office today when he asked me if i thought i was not good enough as i did mention tt in my msg to him yesterday. Guess something in tt sentence did hit a raw nerve. Cos was already feeling bad as it is.

Well, shocked him a little i suppose.

I sooOO need to learn how to hold my tears back man! It's an advantage at times but not always. Too often and i'll become a cry baby! But im gonna stand up from this down-time.

Im gonna close a case by this week!! JUST ONE is something to start with. But IM GONNA MAKE SURE I CLOSE SOMETHING THIS WEEK!! No matter what and how. One live!

If u're reading this, pray that i will make it this week. Thanks. Oh God, i still pray to u to give me the strength to make me stronger. Both mentally and physically. Please God..Please give me the ability to achieve what im supposed to do. Ameen....

Down in luck

This blog will most likely contain no pictures. Nothing funny. And would be totally boring.

So if u're reading this now, this blog wld bring you nothing you are looking for.

In fact, the only reason why ive set up this separate blog is out of the total frustration im feeling from work. I badly need an outlet and decided that though this is definately NOT the best way, im gonna still go ahead with it cos it's a hell lot cheaper than seeing a shrink!

Alright, so here's where i start pouring out my troubles.

IM SAD!! FRUSTRATED!!! IRRITATED!!!! DESPERATE!!!! and everything other emotion in between!!!! I soooooo need to scream! shout or do something abt it!!!!! ahhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is only my 2nd month at work. But what he expects out of me is like sky-high!!! Alright, maybe not tt unachieveable for someone else. But for me, it IS!! I dun have family member or relatives or friends for tt matter who are willing to show me their support! And i superly pissed by that!!!!! I feel so damn bloody stranded.

Yea, last month was a sort of good month for me..But in the last 10days..no, make it 11..I have not closed a SINGLE deal!!!!! And that is definately getting to me! I have targets to hit. Amounts to meet. But im nowhere near them now! And he keeps pushing and pushing and pushing. I ReallY REALLY wanna do it. But i cant seem to get anywhere near!!

It's not that im not trying know! I really hope he doesnt see it that way! Im doing all that i shld do. But so far, it just seems as if my luck has ran out! Nothing in 11 days! Hah! Im sooo fucking dead when he asks for an update tmr. So dead!

It's not that i dun wanna do something for the agency in this time of need. But somehow i cant seem to get out of this shit hole!

MuSt be that blind man's curse!!!! It soooo has to be man!!!! aARghhHHH... LET ME GO!!!! TAKE AWAY THAT CURSE!!!! I MEANT NO HARM. WHO ASK U DidNT GIVE US THE MONEY TO BUY WHAT U WANTED!!!!!!! I CLD HAVE EVEN NOT OFFERED MY HELP IN THE START K!!! LIFT THIS BLOODY CURSE OF ME!!

k, i cant take this no longer. I really need to find a way to release this pressure. Drinking sure wldnt help. Chocolates might. Temporary though. FOrsee another crying session tonight. Swollen eyes tmr. Arrghhh..i wish i live near the beach. Wanna scream. Need ta screaM!

Oh God, please help me. Please help me out of this tough time. Make me a stronger person.

Great! Just received a msg frm a confirmed-will-buy client that he cant meet me 2nite!!! JUST FUCKING GREAT!!!!

BYE BYE to my $2000 fyp target for the weekend! I need a punching bag!