Break the pattern. Kill the illusion.

I hate it that i feel pain in result to actions of yours again! I hate it how i got affected by you last night again! I hate it how i still cant fully control my emotions when it comes to you. I hate it that i currently am not applying what ive learnt.

You are a friend. What you do is up to you. How you treat me is based on who you are as a person. You are not inclined to treat me especially well.

Let go. I need to let go. God, please please please give me strength and wisdom to move on. Away from those stupid emotions im investing in you. Away from this crazy illusion.

Emotional switch

The 10days that i was away in bali for DWD followed by a short trip, i feel that some things have changed between us.
Emotionally i know that i still like u alot..A.L.O.T But through the course, ive also learnt that loving you doesnt mean tt i have to date u.

As pathetic and loser-ish as that may sound..I still do love the way u make me feel.I love the lame jokes u say. I love the way u make u laugh. The way u sense when im unhappy and try to make it better. I love the way how u know when im pissed with u so u just shut up and let me calm down 1st..I love how i can make u laugh and feel shy sometimes..I love u in many ways for many reasons..

But now i'll still show concern for u. The difference is now not so much on expecting the same treatment back from u. I love u for being my friend. I love u as a person.Just a coincidence that u're a guy i guess.

Anyway,it seems u're dead set on buying tt house u keep talking abt. Im concerned..Really concerned because i really dun feel that u're ready financially to do so at this point of time.

Everytime u say something abt the house,i go really quiet. I think u may take it tt im unhappy that u're really settling down with her le. And i DID feel that way. I still do a little now. However now it's more because of the financial commitment tt u're gonna put yrself into that makes me quiet. Im worried for u. I don't want u to go through the same financial emotional pain that im facing right now! And mine is over a car! Imagine yours will be a hoUSE!

I think i really need to talk to u abt it soon. But i guess it'll be more out of concern than anything else. If u're really getting married to her, i guess as a friend, all i can say is i hope everything works out well between u 2.

Oh well, i need to go plan how to win this work challenge that i now have with u le..roar! =)