Getting over. . ..

Im getting a little sick writting abt you all the time.. talking about you.. thinking about you..

okok,mayb not too sick of the last one yet..But definitely of the 1st two..

I finally feel it within me of how disgusting you've been towards me..Not only knowing it emotionally..but coming to terms with it mentally as well. I know that these past few months, it was very obvious that you should know how i feel towards you.

Yet whenever i was upset..u 'moved away'.. Perhaps if i wanna think the better of you, i would say that maybe u were giving me 'space'. Or time to get over you.
But the moment i treat u better or try to act like nothing was wrong again, you'll get all chummy with me like everything is fine n dandy..Like we're just PURELY friends..and that i dun have those xtra feelings for u..

WTH la..how can u act sooo close to me or even stand yourself for being sooo close to me when u already know i have something for u?!?!? As much as it hurts me to say this, but i know AND feel that yes, recently perhaps u've put in a little more effort in keeping a distance between us. Like not touching me that much or kidding around..But of cos, like me, there are days where we move back to that comfortable ease we have with each other.

Im really not sure if u're just treating me like a friend. U sure do keep saying that in your messages! Perhaps u're just real comfortable around me. Like a buddy..a sister..

What i dun understand is why u cant see me as more than just that?!?!?

I guess that doesnt really matter now right? Cos u're a jerk.. and why would i wanna go out with a jerk. I mean being friends with one is one thing..But to have a jerk as a bf..what for..

So perhaps i shldnt be that upset whenever i think about u.. i guess im over the initial stage of heartbreak and heartache. But of cos there are times i still wish to be with you. In your arms..Touching your lips..Feeling u..Hearing ur heartbeat.. Stuff like that..

But that's just lust isnt it? U do have a decent body after all..

Perhaps i really KNOW now that character wise, though we have plenty in common, i know u do not feel for me the same as what i feel for u.. Yes,i think u're really comfortbale with me. I think u like the comfort i can give u that im starting to really believe that yr gf cant give..

But deep down inside, i know u dun see me pass that..at least not romantically..u dun think abt me in that way. For anna u perhaps had and did.. Perhaps ever wank off with her in mind a few times..But me..hah! Oh well..

I'll survive this la..Really glad D is around this time to help me..He's been a real sweetie.. Checking in on me most nights either through msg or calls to see that im fine..How to find such a great friend??!?

Really touched..Thank you God for placing D in my life..I think he has helped me TONS esp when it comes to wp..im really thankful for that..

Please God, please give me strength to get over this whole wp issue. I wanna be able to face him as just friends.. I want more but if it's not meant to be, then let me have the wisdom to accept n learn to live with it quickly.. I dun want to be a walking zombie anymore..

Oh God, please protect my heart..please please please...

=(

I want to go into this long-winded entry about what happened 2 days back..monday night to be exact.. But im currently in NP and i sort of think i'll end up crying if i really go into details..

So will save typing tt entry till a more suitable time..

But in a gist, i sort of admitted to him tt i fancy him.,And in a gist, he is still with his gf.. Bloody hell..

We're still in contact. Like though i have not seen him in person since the msg exchange, because he was on course n stuff, we have msged each other since tt dreadful night..

Oh well.. im still keen to see what's his first response is gonna be like when we meet after tt msg..Wonder if i'll see him later...

Anyway heart is still aching like fuck..Left side of chest feels sore n painful..Hurt it.

Kinda hope tt he'll bring up the topic soon.. I really have soooo much i wanna say..in person..
On another note, i hope he quarrels with jess again soon.. A nice big one will be nice too..Then i'll have lots to say abt tt too! haha..

According to mich, everyone has a right to declare their feelings to another person. If there is already something wrong in tt relationship, the person will consider. If not, then there wun even be a chance at all right?

And so tts also why i wanna help 'put a test to their relationship'. If he's not right for her, then it shldnt get delayed till marriage then end up in divorce wad...see,im not a mean person. In fact im doing them a favour lo...hmmpphh...

Dont judge me...