我真得不明白。。。

- Why u still cant understand that even though in a relationship, both parties much compromise at times..But it's just WRONG to have to all the time for simple stuff like what activity to do!
- Why u cant see that u enjoy spending more time with me (and D)
- How u 2 are going to enjoy married life with the way things are between u to now..(like i fuck care abt that)

Arghhh...actually i do for the last one. Why? Cos i care for u. That's why!
Why marry someone who doesnt even enjoy doing the stuff that u enjoy? I mean it doesnt have to be everything that u do. But even part or some aso rarely!

I know that u're an easy going person at times. I know that currently it it very obvious that ive became like yr activity buddy...But u think i still wanna do this when u're officially married to her？ Oh God, i really hope it smacks u real hard in the head to realise that all this will end if that is yr decision..

I know it's not morally right to wish u two will break up. But why are u two even keeping something that is obviously soooo wrong???!?! If u still treasure it, then work on it man! U two seem to just life your our lives..both so busy with your own stuff..It's simple amusing and ridiculous to even call this a relationship la..

All the pain/frutration that u're going through to make things work between u 2, half of this is not even neccessary with me.. I was surprised when D said u wanted to watch movie 2nite too.. See! Yet another point to note that at least 80% of the time, we have similiar things we wanna do. Be it at work or for play.. And u cant fucking see that yet?

arghhhhh......

He's aware...

Just found out recently that u actually do read my other blog.. U actually do keep yrself quite update with it too.. And im SURPRISED!

Really..cos before this, i didnt really know if u do read it anot.. But now that i know, sometimes i have to think twice about the things i write..

Like part of me wants u to know how i feel. Yet part of me questions if this is the right time to let u know this and this..Or should i let know how i feel abt that.. or is this the right time to go into the whole analysing yr relationship thingy and what we have between us.

Anyway i still do type some stuff about u here and there.. Some personal comments.. But so far u acted like as if u didnt know those comments were about you. U mentioned abt the main gist of each entry yet not going into the part where i typed abt u.. So i wonder......

Do u know... If u do, how does this make u feel?
I guess if i were you, i'll feel honoured that someone even feels this way about me. Yet at the same time, probably digusted or frustrated cos i dun have the same type of feeling for tt person. So dunno how to let that person down.
But i think for us, we have soooo much in common that at times i feel that some of the things u do to me or with me, can be avoided if u dun really feel anything for me in that sense.

I mean dun touch me or massage my shoulders or arm or anything.. just dun touch me. Perhaps i'll feel damn lousy when that starts to happen. I'll miss touching u.. Feeling u.. But i guess if this is how it'll end up eventually then perhaps this pain will have to come sooner or later eh?

Haiz.. Such a thing, i really feel like putting on the other blog just to see how u'll react. But i dun dare. I still dun think i can tahan u being so 'away' frm me..
As it is, after yr grandmother's wake last week...I feel sooo pissed off with you that i think some things have changed between us.
I dun feel that happy with some of the things u do anymore. I judge your actions with more critic.. I feel really piss when i feel that u're using me.. I move away from u at times cos i think i need to learn how to handle that.

And somehow i feel that u know what im doing. I know u feel hurt or upset by it too.. At times we get back right where we were. And then i remind myself that u didnt even msg me ONCE during the 5days wake except the 1st day or when i msged u first..

And then i wonder what all that meant? That i was just a friend? Just someone u can make use of.. Or just use for company whenever u need it... I hate it that u can live without me and yet my life is kinda revolved around you! Dammit..

I hate it that we click yet i need to change so that i dun keep thinking we do.. i pissed till i wanna sleep now..

Good night cyberworld..